Why I haven't been posting online lately?

Feb. 21, 2022

Why I haven't been posting online lately?

Why haven't I been posting online for the last 2 and a half months? 

I, unfortunately, lost my mother to a rare brain disorder called progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP) on 07/02/22, which progressed extremely quickly from the diagnosis on 11/11/2021. 
The normal progression is around 3 - 6 years, however, due to the extensive (Electroconvulsive Therapy) she received over the years this greatly accelerated a condition that has no treatment. 

The last 5 months have been the hardest of my life as I was my mum’s medical guardian, with all medical decisions having to be signed off by me. The hardest one of these was deciding that palliative care was the best option in the final weeks. During the final 4 weeks, I spent every day by her side at the care facility. Each day, it was extremely hard to watch her slowly lose the ability to speak and eventually swallow. 

However, it’s not about you in that situation, it’s about that person and you will deal with the trauma later. To be there by her side for her final days is the greatest achievement I have ever done, forget about anything else. 

Post having a parent pass away, you definitely look at the world differently. It’s almost as though a little light is taken out of it permanently and you look at situations through a different lens. Especially in regards to work and how you should value yourself. I have been asking myself some big questions recently to which I don’t know the answers yet, however, 2022 has already delivered me the biggest change I will ever experience, so why not some more? 

It’s very cliched, however, after someone you love passes away you really do realise how your time and especially health, is not guaranteed. You also realise that you as an individual deserve to be happy and need to let go of anything that does not contribute to that. There are a lot of external factors that you cannot control sometimes, however, you can control the environment you spend a majority of your time in by removing yourself from it. Going to be an interesting few months ahead, however, I am emotionally prepared for anything and whatever changes may take place.

I will be doing some episodes solely about this experience as I have learnt and been through a lot with this. Lot's of people have experienced this, however, it doesn't make it any easier.